The Phrases given by A Parent That Rescued Me as a New Father

"In my view I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

However the actual experience soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While society is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a broader failure to talk amongst men, who often internalise damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a sign of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a respite - taking a couple of days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."